Esther Perel: “Fifty years ago we longed for more freedom, now we swim in it – we almost drown. Because that freedom comes with responsibility: we have to develop ourselves completely into 'the best version'. We expect every relationship to grow the best version of ourselves. In romantic relationships, but just as well at work. People put enormous pressure on developing their 'self', and as a result they never feel 'finished', never good enough.”
We constantly feel that we need to improve ourselves, our identity. We no longer divorce because we are unhappy, but because we think we can be happier with someone else.”
Edward Koldewijn: "Tension in relationships is caused by the expectations we have of each other. The partner's failure to meet those expectations. "My partner disappoints me." People often look at me to see if I can improve the other person.
I like to look at how it is that the partner cannot display the desired behavior. What may you be doing in your relationship with your partner that cannot give you what you need? What good reason is behind that?
The patterns that have crept into a relationship have often been useful for a long time. Got the couple through some tough times. People often come at the moment when they are bothered by those patterns. Do the fights escalate or worse? We no longer have expectations of each other that the other can change.
Different relationship therapies
There are different types of couples therapy. I like to adapt to the couple. How do you learn as a couple. How have you improved other things in their relationship. What else could work that way.
I am trained in EFT and Systemic Therapy.
Read the blog about this
Does couples therapy work?
According to a study by an American psychology professor, Andrew Christensen, 50% say yes;
• 25% has not improved, but still together;
• 25% still split up within 5 years.
It is your decision whether you want to invest in therapy. With a 50% chance that you will not spend your money well and a 50% chance that you will be happier with your partner.
